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Posted 06-22-2017 at 01:52 AM by ocean_crumbles

No one would notice if I died. No one would notice if I disappeared. No one would care if I stopped showing up. Not here, not there, not anywhere.

I feel out of place on here and everywhere. I try to get involved on things here and everywhere. I feel like I don't fit in and I never will so I think I should give up on that pipe dream of ever being someone who has friends. Especially on here. All these threads, I can post but I'll never truly be welcomed. I'll just be another burden on them, just like in real life.

There are only a few things that are going well for me. School, which I got a C lately ruining my A streak so it's doomed now. And my volunteer work. I can help people... I can help them talk about trauma but I can't help myself.

So this is not me saying bye or that I am going to do anything. Nah for now, I am safe. On Friday I am talking to my listener. I havent spoken to her in a few weeks and I really need her ... This is just me saying I give up on being happy. I give in to being dead inside.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    -maria-'s Avatar
    I am sorry you are going through this I really wish I could help you, I ways read about your volunteer work, and believe me, just knowing you saved someone's life should feel as a great reward, maybe if you could cut all negativity from your life and start fresh?
    Posted 06-22-2017 at 03:51 AM by -maria- -maria- is offline
  2. Old Comment
    ocean_crumbles's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by -maria- View Comment
    I am sorry you are going through this I really wish I could help you, I ways read about your volunteer work, and believe me, just knowing you saved someone's life should feel as a great reward, maybe if you could cut all negativity from your life and start fresh?
    Ty for your reply, Maria. It really is a great reward to be able to save someone or just be there while they work through something. Yeah, maybe if I was able to cut some of the toxic people out it would help. I have to wait a year until I can do that completely though since some of the negative people I live with ( family)
    Posted 06-22-2017 at 04:46 AM by ocean_crumbles ocean_crumbles is offline
 

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